How to Tell if Your Webmaster is a Druggie

According to a recent poll over 78% of all web designers are junkies. Since the illicit use of drugs is so very very wrong it is your task to hunt out these degenerates and report them immediately to the authorities.

Here are a few of the more common tell-tale signs that will help you identify whose tripping.

A stereotypical manic glare from a stereotypical Safari user.

Holds major debate with self via comments about how they are sick and tired of having to create endless hacks to ensure that there page runs on every browser. The discourse will normally end with the designer concluding that all IE users suck and should start using Safari for the good of the internet.
Solely caters for people running Safari and uses a browser hack to close down the window if this isn’t the case . This is quite a telling sign since only about 3 people run Safari excluding Steve Jobs and his pill-popping minions. These webmasters are clearly trying to initiate a seance for the damned and should be sniffed-out and locked up immediately.
Enters a violent rage every time someone even mentions a table whether it be at breakfast or not. Remember all tables are evil and divs are king especially if you have some data that is better off being marked up in a table!
H1 to H7? Hey! Lets go hog wild! Some designers love nothing more than to dissect their markup into the smallest possibility units and are then left feeling empty if they haven’t used all of the header tags on every single page. Watch out for those who take it a step further and begin implementing their own h25 tags.
Inline CSS is groovy baby! Most acid freaks are inline CSS users too. They will pepper each tag with something like this background-color:pink;font-size:8.2em;width:auto;height:auto;margin-left:-7200px;
Links to Jakob Nielsens Alert Box and actually makes positive comments about his design without any sense of irony or sarcasm. This is a definite sign that someone is tripping.
Ajax! It must be used everywhere or nowhere at all! – this is when the designers fixation with interactivity and Web 2.0 spills over into severe psychosis with even static text being pulled dynamically from a database everytime the visitor clicks on a shiny green Show me the content button.
Has EVER used a marquee tag in their web design career – no execeptions. This is the ultimate sign of a degenerate and a communist. All sane webmasters would rather be pictured streaking around the Red Square in Moscow with their pubic hair dyed pink than be caught using marquees.
Accessibility nazis who make their website completely accessible for color-blind amputees from Kazakhstan but inaccessible for everyone else. These are the same people who will whore out every page with logos at the bottom stating that their site is so accessible that it can be seen by Jesus.
Has alluded to their belief that frames are due a comeback in the years to come – Phone a head-doctor and report the author immediately. You’re dealing with a sorely demented creature here who must be detained in a padded cell for their own safety.

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